Learning to Sit with Discomfort: The Key to Emotional Growth

In a world of quick fixes and instant gratification, it’s easy to avoid emotional discomfort. We scroll through our phones, binge-watch TV, or distract ourselves with work to escape the uncomfortable feelings that bubble up—anxiety, sadness, anger, or shame. But what if the path to emotional growth isn’t about escaping discomfort, but about learning to sit with it?

As a mental health clinician, one of the most common patterns I see in therapy is the urge to do something—anything—to avoid pain. And yet, this avoidance often leads to deeper distress, anxiety, or even depression over time. Emotional discomfort is not the enemy—it’s a messenger.

What Is Emotional Discomfort?

Emotional discomfort refers to the unpleasant internal experiences we all encounter: tension in the body, racing thoughts, a sinking feeling in the chest, or emotional numbness. These sensations are often signals from our nervous system, alerting us to unmet needs, unresolved trauma, or misaligned values. When ignored or avoided, these signals can escalate into chronic stress or unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance use, emotional eating, or interpersonal conflict.

According to Dr. Susan David, psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”¹ The ability to acknowledge and tolerate unpleasant emotions—without immediately reacting or numbing—builds resilience and emotional intelligence.

The Role of Avoidance

Avoidance, while often unconscious, is a powerful coping strategy. Research published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders found that experiential avoidance is linked to higher levels of psychological distress and is a common factor in anxiety and mood disorders.² When we habitually push away difficult feelings, we reinforce the belief that those feelings are dangerous or intolerable. This can lead to a cycle of suppression and emotional reactivity.

Mindfulness-based practices teach us that all emotions—pleasant and unpleasant—are temporary. Learning to observe them with curiosity rather than judgment creates space for self-awareness and healing.

The Benefits of Sitting with Discomfort

1. Increased Self-Awareness: Sitting with discomfort forces us to slow down and examine our inner world, helping us uncover the root of our emotional pain.

2. Improved Emotional Regulation: By pausing instead of reacting, we gain control over our responses and reduce impulsivity.

3. Stronger Relationships: When we understand our emotional triggers, we communicate more clearly and compassionately with others.

4. Greater Resilience: The more we tolerate discomfort, the more resilient we become in the face of future challenges.

A study from the American Psychological Association highlights that people who develop higher emotional tolerance are better equipped to handle stress and less likely to experience burnout.³ This is especially important in a culture where stress is often glamorized and rest is undervalued.

How to Practice Emotional Tolerance

• Name It to Tame It: Use language to describe what you're feeling. For example, “I’m noticing tension in my chest and a sense of anxiety about tomorrow’s meeting.”

• Breathe Through It: Deep, diaphragmatic breathing can calm the nervous system and reduce the intensity of uncomfortable emotions.

• Delay Reaction: Give yourself permission to not respond immediately. Instead, check in with your body and reflect on your values before taking action.

• Seek Support: Therapy provides a safe space to explore difficult emotions and develop new coping strategies.

Final Thoughts

Emotional discomfort is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you’re human. By learning to sit with your feelings rather than running from them, you build the foundation for lasting mental wellness. Healing doesn’t always feel good in the moment, but it leads to freedom.

Citations:

1. David, S. (2016). Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. Avery.

2. Kashdan, T. B., & Steger, M. F. (2006). Expanding the topography of social anxiety: An experience-sampling assessment of positive emotions and events, and emotion suppression. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 20(6), 840–861. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2005.11.003

3. American Psychological Association. (2017). The road to resilience. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience

4. Hayes, S. C., Wilson, K. G., Gifford, E. V., Follette, V. M., & Strosahl, K. D. (1996). Emotional avoidance and behavioral disorders: A functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 64(6), 1152–1168. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.64.6.1152

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