The Power of Active and Empathetic Listening in Romantic Relationships

Adam Greenberg
Jul 14
3 min read

By Adam Greenberg, LCSW - Owner of Positive Mindset Therapy, LCSW, PLLC

In a world filled with distractions, misunderstandings, and emotional noise, truly hearing your partner is a rare and powerful gift. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I’ve seen time and again how foundational listening — really listening — is to healing, growth, and intimacy within relationships.

Active and empathetic listening are two essential tools that couples can use to build trust, reduce conflict, and grow both individually and together. While these skills may feel awkward or even challenging at first, they are critical to developing emotional maturity and cultivating long-lasting, connected partnerships.

What Is Active Listening?

Active listening is a communication technique where the listener fully concentrates, understands, responds, and then remembers what is being said. This type of listening requires presence — not just hearing the words, but absorbing their meaning without planning your rebuttal or filtering through your own agenda.

Instead of interrupting, active listeners:

Use nonverbal cues like nodding, eye contact, and open posture
Reflect or paraphrase what the speaker has said (“What I hear you saying is…”)
Ask clarifying questions to deepen understanding
Suspend judgment and focus on connection, not correction

According to psychologist Carl Rogers, active listening is one of the most effective ways to help people feel valued and understood, which is especially important in intimate relationships (Rogers & Farson, 1957).

What Is Empathetic Listening?

Empathetic listening goes a step further. It’s the emotional component of active listening — the process of tuning into your partner’s feelings, not just their words. It involves stepping into their emotional shoes, validating their experiences, and demonstrating compassion even if you don’t fully agree.

Brené Brown, a researcher and author known for her work on vulnerability, explains that empathy is not about fixing someone’s pain, but about saying, “I’m here with you in it” (Brown, 2010). In couples therapy, this shift in mindset helps partners break out of defensive patterns and opens the door to emotional intimacy.

Why Is Listening So Hard in Relationships?

Couples often struggle with listening for a few key reasons:

Emotional Triggers: A partner’s words can hit old wounds, causing us to shut down, defend, or counterattack.
Fear of Being Wrong: Many people focus on formulating a response or rebuttal rather than being present with what’s being said.
Misaligned Communication Styles: Some individuals are fixers, while others just want to be heard — without advice.
Ego & Power Dynamics: The need to “win” the conversation or prove a point often trumps the desire to understand.

These barriers are normal, but they are not permanent. With intention and practice, listening can shift from a survival response to a connection ritual.

How Listening Builds Individual and Relational Maturity

When couples develop active and empathetic listening skills, they begin to:

De-escalate conflicts more quickly
Feel emotionally seen and supported
Express needs more clearly and assertively
Take personal responsibility without shame
Build a secure emotional bond based on mutual respect

Research shows that listening-centered communication in couples is associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction, conflict resolution, and emotional intimacy (Weger, Castle Bell, Minei, & Robinson, 2014).

Furthermore, listening strengthens individual growth by encouraging self-awareness, emotional regulation, and deeper empathy — all traits linked to psychological maturity (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

Practical Tips to Start Listening Better in Your Relationship

Pause before reacting – Take a breath before responding. Check in with yourself.
Use reflective statements – “So you’re feeling… because…” can be incredibly validating.
Drop the agenda – Listen to understand, not to fix or argue.
Be mindful of tone and body language – Communication is 93% nonverbal (Mehrabian, 1971).
Practice during calm moments – Don’t wait for a fight to build these muscles.

Closing Thoughts

Active and empathetic listening can feel uncomfortable, especially if it hasn’t been modeled in your life. But discomfort is often a signal that growth is occurring. The more you listen to your partner with intention and heart, the more safety, depth, and connection will emerge.

In the end, being heard is one of the most healing human experiences — and one of the greatest gifts you can offer your partner.

References

Rogers, C., & Farson, R. (1957). Active Listening. Industrial Relations Center of the University of Chicago.
Brown, B. (2010). The Power of Vulnerability. TEDx Houston. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability
Weger Jr, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13–31.
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
Mehrabian, A. (1971). Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes. Wadsworth.